


Death by Cute

by kosame



Category: Arashi (Band), Johnny's Entertainment
Genre: Comedy, Gen, OT5
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-08-29
Updated: 2008-08-29
Packaged: 2017-10-18 06:03:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,821
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/185789
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kosame/pseuds/kosame
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The "Nino gets revenge on Chinen" story in which he uses the fact he's a sempai whore to shame HSJ into quitting/rethinking their lives.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Death by Cute

**Author's Note:**

> This fic was inspired partially by the fact that I don't like this trope, but mostly by [this gif](http://i38.tinypic.com/2h6zxuc.gif) displaying THE FEARSOME POWER OF KOKUBUN TAICHI. Posted to the 2009 New Year's Anonnymeme [here](http://happygaynewyear.livejournal.com/579.html?thread=288579#t288579).

**Chinen**

"It would be better for your blood pressure if you stopped reading those," Jun said as he dropped his bag on the couch next to where Nino was reading the latest issue of _Popolo_. Nino fixed him with a glare over Hey!Say!JUMP's smiling faces on the cover.

"Do you know what that brat said in _this_ one?"

Jun rolled his eyes. "He loves Ohno, I know. The world knows."

"He said--!" Nino began, but Jun cut him off.

"He's a _fan_ , Nino. We have a lot of fans. In fact, we have a lot of fans crazier then him."

Nino just crumpled the corner of his mouth and settled further into the couch (and his bad mood).

Jun turned back to his bag, but stopped midway to return Sho and Ohno's greetings as they walked in the door. He could see clearly on Sho's face the familiar progression of confusion at Nino's moody grunt "good morning" to recognizing the magazine to exasperated resignation.

"Kazunari," Sho half-scolded, half-sighed.

"Sho," Nino said back in a nasty mocking tone of voice.

"Fine," Sho said, clearly fed up with the situation. "We'll just spend the next four hours with you spreading your bad mood to everyone else, just like we have every other time."

"Have you even seen this?" Nino demanded, shaking the magazine at Sho.

"No," Sho said, grabbing it, "and neither will you anymore. You need to do something about this, like get over it."

"It's disgusting!"

"It's cute," Ohno said without looking up from his cell phone.

"'Cute'?" Nino echoed, incredulous, which was right when Aiba slammed open the door, bouncing in and hanging on the nearest person (a disgruntled Jun).

"You guys, you guys, you'll never guess, there was a bunny outside my house this morning! I didn't think rabbits could live in the city, so I think it must be someone's pet, especially because it didn't run away when I went to pick it up. It was so soft!"

There was a pause.

"Did I interrupt? Were we talking about something?"

"No," Nino said, all trace of earlier bad mood gone. "Just about cute things."

"So then the the bunny fit right in!" Aiba said, beaming, before Jun slapped him upside the head.

Sho looked like he was about to have a headache, but he decided to leave well enough alone.

 

 **Aiba**

"Hey," Nino said at lunch, lowering a magazine that had signs of severe wear. "Look at this."

Aiba recognized three members of Hey!Say!JUMP in an article about an upcoming drama. "Oh, good for them."

"You should invite them on your show. You know, to promote it."

Something in Nino's voice made Aiba a little suspicious.

"Make sure you have, like, baby animals or something on there too."

"You don't like Hey!Say!," Aiba pointed out.

"That is completely untrue," Nino said. "I don't like *one member* of Hey!Say!, and I'm willing to put that aside for the sake of the others.

"I'm not really sure..."

"It's a drama where they can all talk to animals," Nino countered, pointing at the accompanying spread where the three of them had a large snake across all of their shoulders. "It's _perfect_."

*****

Maybe Nino shouldn't have suggested the baby animals, because they clearly out-cute-d *everyone*. Trust Aiba to mess up the plan by doing exactly what he was asked.

 

 **Yasu**  
Yoko looked up to see Nino poking his head in their green room. "Hey, Nino!"

Nino waved and approached the table, but he kept looking around for something. "Hey."

"What brings you around here?"

"I'm looking for the cute one."

"You found him!" Subaru said brightly, raising a hand in the air.

"I'm obviously the cute one, stupid!" Yoko shot at Subaru. "Nino, Nino, I'm right here!" he called in an overly sweet voice.

"Nino!"

"Nino!"

"Nino!"

"Shut up!" Murakami yelled, slapping first Subaru then Yoko with the lid from his bento. "Who's the 'cute one'? You're both idiots."

The other half of Kanjani8 returned then, and Nino ignored the three of them completely. "Yasuda!"

Subaru's "Hey!" mixed with Yoko's "I'm way cuter than him!" as Murakami hit them again.

*****

Nino would have been discouraged that Yasuda was moved to tears by Chinen's cuteness, but Yasuda cried over pretty much everything as far as he could tell.

 

 **NEWS**  
"Tomo-chan!" Nino said brightly, catching Yamapi in the hallway with a surprise arm around his shoulders. "Where's your band?"

"Um," said Yamapi. "They're not in the green room?"

"I dunno, I hadn't gotten there yet." Yamapi blinked at him a moment, but Nino was gone as suddenly as he had appeared. "Ryo-chan! I think Jun's going to implode if you don't return his e-mail soon."

Ryo fumbled for his cell phone. "He sent me an e-mail?" Cursing under his breath, he began to punch in a response, and Nino turned to survey the room. Yamapi figured Nino hadn't come all the way down here just to tell Ryo to check his inbox, so he wasn't surprised when Nino addressed the rest of them.

"So, NEWS is a pretty cute band, right?"

Yamapi wasn't sure how to best answer that, but Koyama spoke for him. "Yup! All of NEWS is really cute!" When Nino smiled, Yamapi wondered if that hadn't been a mistake.

"This doesn't have anything to do with why you came to talk to Yasu last week, does it?" Ryo said, sliding his phone back into his bag.

"I'm sure he did his best, but he's only one person," Nino responded, and Yamapi was sure they were in trouble now. "With six--"

"Some of us don't have your copious amounts of free time," Shige said.

"--five of you, ("Hey!") it should _definitely_ work this time."

*****

Nino was a bit disappointed in himself for clearly overestimating NEWS. Unfortunately, given that Taguchi was the best KAT-TUN had to offer, he was running out of kouhai.

 **Taichi**  
Somewhere along the line, he wasn't quite sure, Taichi had imbibed more alcohol than he had intended. But he had more important things to worry about. "Ninomiya! Are you satisfied with the way things are now!?"

"Well," Nino began shyly. Sober, Taichi probably would have seen through that.

"What is it? You have to be on the offensive about your life! I'll help you!"

"You will? Ah, I'm so glad you're my kind sempai!"

"I'm glad you're my kouhai to~o!"

*****

Taichi was clearly cuter, but Nino hadn't accounted for the fact that most of his cuteness stemmed from cooing over Chinen's cuteness. He called that one a draw.

 

 **Ken**  
"Yo," Okada said, looking up from a script and a cup of coffee.

"You owe Sho 1000 yen."

Okada actually began to reach for his wallet, before turning back to Nino. "Sakurai wouldn't send someone else down here about that, and I wouldn't give it to _you_ anyway."

"I am hurt you think it would end up 'lost in transit'," Nino said, pulling up a chair. "Sho wouldn't fall for that _again_."

"What brings you down here, then?"

"Desperation." At Okada's raised eyebrow, Nino continued. "I've been through practically the entire company, and no one's cute enough."

"Have you tried Hey!Say!?"

Nino gave him a look. "That's precisely who I'm trying to out cute."

Okada gestured to Gou sleeping on the couch, who looked remarkably like a hobo for an idol. "I don't think we're going to be much help."

"Maybe not _you_. Where's Ken-kun?"

*****

It had cost him every favor he was owed by Kamisen, but it was totally worth it to hear the brat say, "Uwah~ I don't think I'll ever be able to live up to Miyake-kun, even if I try my whole life!" Now all Nino had to do was wait.

 **Chinen (again)**  
[From _Duet_ ]

 _ **Tell us something that impressed you recently**  
Chinen: Recently I've had the chance to meet with a lot of my cute sempai! They're all so amazing, especially Kokubun (Taichi)-kun who is over thirty and yet more energetic than me! I wonder if I'll be able to continue until I'm that age? The person who impressed me most was Miyake (Ken)-kun, I don't think I'll ever be able to be like him. But as for the cutest person, it seems everything was set up by Ninomiya (Kazunari)-kun! I was surprised that he would go out of his way to help me learn various things, and that he would be too shy to tell me directly. Cool and cute! I also saw Aiba (Masaki)-kun and was impressed by him, so it has made me even more of an Arashi fan!! Although of course Ohno-kun is still my favorite (smile)._

*****

Nino closed the magazine with a frown. "You're right, Jun, I should stop reading these."

Jun made noise that clearly stated he thought that much was obvious. "Upset your plan backfired?" At Nino's half-surprised glare, he added, "Shouldn't've told half the company if you didn't want people to know." Nino harrumphed, and Jun tsk'd. "That is no way for the cutest person in Johnnys to behave."

"Who's the cutest?" Aiba asked over his shoulder, coming in and high fiving a half-hearted Sho and Ohno where they sat on the couch, Sho reading and Ohno drawing.

"Nino is," Jun said, handing him the magazine and Aiba holding it over his head before Nino could make a grab for it.

Aiba's eyes sparkled with mirth as he began to read aloud, causing Sho to start laughing as well. He ended by grabbing Nino (who had crossed his arms and affected an annoyed look) in a large hug. "Aw, look who's the cutest person of them all?" he teased.

"Get off, stupid!" Nino said, trying to duck under Aiba's arms.

"I can't let go, you're just too cute!" Aiba replied. By this point, both Jun and Sho were in on it too, and Ohno wasn't far behind.

"[I hate you all](http://i42.tinypic.com/ipch3o.gif)."

"Ah, even his grumpy face is adorable," Sho cooed, his hug pinning Nino's arms to his side. Jun had one arm around Aiba's shoulders, the other ruffling Nino's hair, and Ohno had pulled apart his crossed arms was bouncing both of Nino's hands in his own.

Nino couldn't really stay mad in the face of his bandmates' wicked glee, and besides, he won, didn't he?

 

 **Nino**  
[From _Wink-Up_ Message Board]

 **  
_  
**From Ninomiya Kazunari  
To Chinen Yuuri-kun**   
_   
**

_Stop calling people cute! You're going to give me a reputation (smile)._

 _  
**From Ninomiya Kazunari  
To (Aiba) Masaki**   
_

_Your arms were really warm, even if you are an idiot ♥_

 _  
**From Ninomiya Kazunari  
To (Sakurai) Sho**   
_

_  
Last time you pinned my arms, but next time I want to embrace you too ♥  
_

 _  
  
_

_  
**  
**From Ninomiya Kazunari  
To (Ohno) Satoshi**   
**   
_

_I'll always remember how you linked your hands so gently with mine ♥_

 _  
**From Ninomiya Kazunari  
To (Matsumoto) Jun**   
_

_I love Jun too, so next time be closer to me instead of Masaki ♥_


End file.
